Brendan 的个人资料Desperately Seeking...So...照片日志列表更多  |  工具 帮助 |
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10月27日 Friday Feast 117Appetizer Create a new candle scent. What, just like that? OK. Ever smell a baby's head? Their heads smell great, like nothing has ever touched them. If you could bottle it, it'd be an instant seller. Although I'm not sure people would want to burn something called "Baby's Head." Soup Name one way you show affection to others. I like buying things for people. Especially things they told me about and then forgot, or told me they needed and then forgot. Presenting someone with something they weren't expecting (especially if they don't think you listen) (and very especially if they normally don't listen to other people, and so are doubly surprised that you listen to them. Ahem.) feels great. Salad What is your favorite writing instrument? A Mon Ami 502 0.5 black pen. Main Course If you were given $25 to spend anywhere online, from which site would you buy? I wonder how much microbrewed beer I could get for that? Otherwise, I guess Amazon or somewhere that sells books and DVDs. Dessert Are you dressing up for Halloween? If so, what are you going to be? My kindy colleagues went to the store to get our costumes. Inexplicably, they returned with a vampire cape and false teeth, and a Spiderman mask, for me. Now, besides the fact that that looks ridiculous, the mask only has two holes - for the eyes - and it's made of rubber, so it's hot - so when I breath (heavily, inside the damn hot mask) it goes out my eye holes, which is bothersome, and when I talk, I sound like Darth Vader. If I had a choice, I wouldn't dress up at all. But if I didn't have a choice about dressing up, but did have a choice about what I had to wear, I guess I'd go for Superman. Superman rocks. 10月25日 Where's the beef?I was teaching some nonsense today which required the (6 year-old) kids to fill in a blank in some sentences. When it came to: Where's the ______________ ? what do you think they (nearly) all yelled? Where's the love?! Sometimes, I love my class. Jan PLONKERAfter having read what happened to Jan Pronk over what he wrote in his blog, I'm considering deleting my previous post about Korean military service, lest they expel me from the country. I'd have to change the name of the blog to Desperately Seeking Asylum if that were the case. Nah, I'm pretty sure I can write what I want on here, there are only about two people who read it (one of whom could expel me from the RMT if she wanted) and the other is actually just itching to punch someone most of the time, so perhaps I'd better be careful what I write about him. But you have to wonder why politicians, ambassadors and special freaking envoys to places like Sudan would write stuff on their blogs that is going to piss off voters, governments and militias. Sake. The odd coupleIn Korea, it's not uncommon to see a boyfriend and girlfriend, or husband and wife, or even brother and sister, walking around wearing the same shirt. It's funny. Today, two of my boys, Jamie and Jack, came into the staff room wearing matching shirts, and holding hands. Jamie proudly said: "Look teacher, we're a couple." Taking into account the fact that it's Jamie who knows the words to all The Carpenters' songs before I teach them, and the fact that it's Jamie who likes to sport a t-shirt saying "Queen of the California Beach", and now this, the evidence is really starting to mount up. 10月24日 Two deaf menTwo deaf men are sitting at a bar. One says: Are you going fishing today? The other replies: No, I'm going fishing. The first one then says: Oh, I thought you were going fishing. Glad to be aliveDo you want to know how many days you've been alive? Then go here, and type your birthday into the calculator in the left-hand column. If, after seeing the result you begin to feel afraid of dying, ask yourself if you're really afraid of dying, or is it a fear of not being alive. Brendan Green - 8977 days alive 10月23日 Famous on the FallsIn the photo posted below, you might recognize the man on the right as Vince Vaughn. Some of you might also recognize the man on the left as my cousin Danny. Apparently Vince was making a documentary on the lower whack during the weekend, and stopped to chat with anyone who wanted. He was even good enough to pose in the photo with Danny. Those six kids are local ragamuffins, who were captured in this shot picking Vince's pocket, which explains why he looks so darned uncomfortable. You're a Volkswagen Santana!Back in September, I played an enjoyable game of Canadian Trivial Pursuit (I know, hard to believe, isn't it?) at the RMT. One of the questions asked which European car maker produced the Santana - apparently 90% of the taxis in Shanghai are this type of car. Anyway, when we were in Beijing, I mentioned this to Jodi - after we had noticed how many of the cars were VW Santanas. She refused to believe that such a silly Europe-based question would be asked within a Canuck edition of TP. So on Saturday, between pints of Red Rock and bowls of Montreal-style poutine, I searched the cards for the question. I was beginning to suspect she'd already gone through them, and had removed the offending item, when I discovered it and triumphantly waved it in her face. She was a good sport about it though, even posing for the photo posted below, before going on to win a game of TP (it all hinged on her being asked the one sports question both of us could have answered (it was about cricket)). The CIA cancelled my cell phone contractWhen I moved to Korea, I wanted to get a cell phone on a contract, believing that was the only way I would be able to send and receive international text messages. As it turns out, nothing you can do will allow you to send international text messages, because Korea goes their own way when it comes to mobile telephony. However, in order to get a contract cell phone, I had to be a Korean. As much as I tried, I couldn't pass for one. So, in the end I asked a Korean to sign the contract for me, but have the bills paid out of my bank account. This arrangement worked for all concerned for the last 10 and a half months, until said Korean started dating a "computer analyst" (read: CIA operative), working out of the US Embassy here in Seoul, who decided he wasn't happy with his Korean girlfriend helping out a mate. So, I found out during the week that I had to cancel my contract or convince someone else to be my guarantor. I decided to cancel it - easier said than done. It took two hours, two bloody awkward hours (do you know how hard it is to ask someone how things are going with their American boyfriend when you think he's a turd?!), of translations and red tape and jibba jabba. Eventually though, I got a new deal, and a new number. I'm not sure what I hate more - the CIA, or South Korea Telecom. Buy me a beer and I'll teach you to speakThe year I lived in Spain, there was a lot to talk about. Valencia had just found out that it would be hosting the America's Cup race in 2007. It might sound like a great honour, but, like all mass sporting events (see previous posts!) it had its price. In order to allow easier access to the waterfront, the city fathers decided they would extend Valencia's main street - Blasco Ibanez - from where it ended, all the way to the beach. A good idea, except it would mean bulldozing an entire neighbourhood, and forcing some of the city's poorest residents out of their homes. Then there was Spain's support for the War in Iraq. President Aznar was a mate of G.W. Bush, and, against the wishes of the majority, supported the invasion and sent troops to fight. Opposition to hosting the America's Cup, to the government, and especially to the war in Iraq, could easily be seen in the style of that year's Fallas floats, which served to highlight the issues that Valencians cared about most. After the March 11th attacks, the government was voted out of office, and the big change began. Valencia is the sort of city that attracts hippies and students from all over Europe (like me). And there's nothing those shaggy roll-your-own-cigarette types like to do more than talks politics over a few cold ones and a set of bongos down on the beach. It seemed to couldn't have a conversation with anyone without it coming around to the war in Iraq, GWB, globalisation, global warming, global whatever. After a while, it got a bit boring, but in a strange way, I'm glad to have lived there during a time when there was so much going on, and so much to talk about. The same thing seems to be happening now in Korea. On Friday night, Kate and I were enjoying a pint at WA Bar (in as much as you can enjoy a pint of Korean beer, poured by a surly water, in a smoky bar, playing hiphop music) when we were approached by a businessman. He made us an offer that was hard to refuse - he'd pay for our drinks if we'd talk to him in English. We joined him, and his colleagues, at the ice-bar and began to chat. It wasn't long before the conversation turned to North Korea, to missiles and nuclear tests, and even to globalisation. By this stage, Mick and Katie had arrived, so there were a number of conversations going on. I can only hope some of them were all about politics, otherwise it would I just attract these sort of people. (I never choose to talk about politics.) People and their feelings toward North Korea can broadly be divided into two groups: those who are worried, and those who are not. Those are not seem to be of an older generation. Having said that, most of the teachers in our school claim also to not be worried (and they're not old, at least by Western standards!), but perhaps they don't want to worry us and have us run off....Younger Koreans seem to be rather concerned about the whole thing. I wonder if it's because older Koreans have had a chance to get used to this sort of thing, and are more easily able to write it off as bluster and postering (whether it is or not). Or is it because the younger Koreans (such as the guy who bought us the beer on Friday) are either doing, or just have just completed, their military service, and are still in the frame of mind of soldiers who might have to fight, should war break out? I've also been wondering about the nature of military service in Korea. All the guys have to do it, and it seems to have become just something that has to be done. What I mean is, it doesn't seem to train anyone to think like a soldier. Perhaps that's not the point, perhaps it is supposed to be something you just do. But for a country that's defending a border against, what we're told is, an unstable and aggressive neighbour, you'd think they'd take it a little more seriously. Everyday you see soldiers in full camo gear walking around holding shopping bags from The Body Shop and Krispy Kreme. If I was a North Korean spy (and I'm not, please don't arrest me.) I'd be heartened mightily to see this sort of nonsense. I tell you where you won't see it: Pyongyang. And not because they don't have The Body Shop in the DPRK. As for me, I'm not worried about North Korea. There's a reservist working in our school, and my plan is, if I see him running, I'm gonna try and keep up, because if he's a typical Korean soldier, I'm fairly sure he'll not be making a charge for Pyongyang. Friday Feast 116Appetizer What is your favorite beverage? I can't decide if it's beer, or coffee. I love beer, but I can't drink it in the morning (and I don't mean that in the sense that society frowns upon drinking in the morning (well, societies other than the Koreans and Irish), but rather I actually can't drink alcohol before about 12 o'clock, it just doesn't feel right.) Anyway, if it's beer, right now it has to be Taedonggang from Pyongyang, DPRK - they might not be able to make missiles, but they sure can make beer that tastes like beer. If I had a choice though, I wish I had a never-ending keg of Plain Porter from The Porterhouse, Temple Bar, Dublin, which actually isn't beer, but porter. As for coffee, give me a nice cup of Kenya AA, from Gloria Jean's, anyday. Soup Name 3 things that are on your computer desk at home or work. We share the computers at work, so the other things on this desk are, computers. And a printer. And some speakers. And some headphones. And now some pizza, as it's Michael's birthday tomorrow (Happy Birthday Michael!) I know that's more than 3 things, but this question sucked. Salad On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being highest), how honest do you think you are? Honestly, about a 5. Main Course If you could change the name of one city in the world, what would you rename it and why? I'd change the name of Derry, Ireland, to Judea. But I'm not gonna say why. If you can tell me, I'll buy you a drink. Dessert What stresses you out? What calms you down? Children screaming. Children laughing. 10月19日 You know what I meanTESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks. BLAMESTORMING. Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. ARSEMOSIS. The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard. SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die. CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles. PRAIRIE DOGGING. When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.) SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a home business. SINBAD. Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate. STRESS PUPPY. A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes. 404. Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. OHNOSECOND. That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all'). GOING FOR A McSH1T. Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a McShit with Lies. More from our friends in the NorthThe most compelling argument for why there shouldn't be a change of regime in North Korea is the realisation that without it, we wouldn't get to read glorious bumpf like this: On 14 October, the United States instigated the UN Security Council to unjustly find fault with our self-defensive nuclear test as a threat to international peace and safety, and once again passed the vicious resolution on sanctions and blockade against the Republic. Our successful nuclear test is a positive defensive countermeasure to defend our country's sovereignty and the people's life and safety so as to cope with the United States' increasing threat of nuclear war and the manoeuvres for sanctions and pressure; and thus was completely an exercise of a sovereign state's independent and legal right. Because the United States, by taking advantage of the nuclear issue, gravely infringed on our state's supreme safety and our nation's fundamental interest, we were compelled to legally withdraw from the Non-proliferation Treaty in accordance with the relevant clause of the treaty and to manufacture a nuclear weapon by going through the most fair, just, and transparent process. We also conducted the test proving our nuclear possession in a legitimate manner, after even providing advance notice, which transcends international norms. We conducted the nuclear test under the condition where safety was thoroughly guaranteed, and we clearly declared that as a responsible nuclear possession country, we will never first use a nuclear weapon and will not allow nuclear transfer. In addition, we clarified that we will make every possible effort to push ahead with worldwide nuclear arms reduction and the ultimate abolishment of nuclear weapons, and will also unchangingly maintain the principle to realize the denuclearization of the Korean peninsula through dialogue and negotiations. Nevertheless, the United States, which is the ringleader that pushed us to a nuclear test, is now acting as if we had threatened international peace and security, while covering up and putting away what it did, like a thief wielding a club. This is entirely preposterous and can never be tolerated. Our nuclear test rather serves as a great undertaking that has greatly contributed to safeguarding the peace and security of the Northeast Asian region, as well as the Korean peninsula, by demonstrating a powerful deterrent force that checks the United States' nuclear threat blackmail and attempt to provoke a new war. To disregard all these facts; turn a blind eye to the United States' hostile policy towards the DPRK, which is the root of the nuclear issue of the Korean peninsula; regard as a crime the implementation of our sovereign right to defend the country's sovereignty in the face of the [hostile policy]; and talk about the denuclearization of the Korean peninsula are immoral behaviours utterly devoid of impartiality Needless to say, the recent UNSC resolution is based on a scenario [prepared] by the United States that is running amok to dismantle the popular masses-centred socialist system of our style and cannot but be regarded as a declaration of war against our Republic. The United States must not miscalculate us. No illusion can be more ridiculous or groundless than for the Bush group to think it can bring us to our knees with sanctions and pressures after forgetting the lesson from the shameful defeats recorded by its previous administrations in the history of relations with the DPRK and remaining stuck on its already bankrupt hostile policy towards the DPRK. As our Republic had not been shaken by any wind or wave even without nuclear weapons in the past, it is nonsensical for it to yield to anyone else's pressures or threats today when it has become a dignified nuclear power. We want peace but do not fear war, and we desire dialogue but are always ready for confrontation, as well. We will fulfil our duty to denuclearize the Korean peninsula as we have already declared, but if anyone tries to infringe on our sovereignty and our right to existence, even a bit, under the signboard of the UN Security Council resolution, we will unsparingly launch a merciless strike. We will watch out for any move by the United States, and will take appropriate measures accordingly. 10月18日 Chinglish, Konglish, English...I read this on the CNN news ticker two nights ago. Even knowing the context of the story, I still think it's a strange turn of phrase: "Police recommend rape, other charges for Israeli President" Teacher, why did he get two and I only got one?I remember watching one episode of The West Wing, when the White House is playing host to a North Korean pianist. During the show, the pianist hands President Bartlet an autographed CD, in which he has also written that he wants to defect. The administration eventually decides to turn him down, saying they fear that allowing his defection would jeapordise the talks that are going on between the North Korean government and the US. At the end of the episode, we discover that the North Koreans walk out of the talks anyway, because they weren't happy about the size (or position, I can't remember which to be exact) of the North Korean flag at the conference table. And every time I hear that the DUP has turned down an opportunity to hold talks with Sinn Fein, thereby dashing the ever-diminishing (if they even exist at all anymore) hopes of the people of the North of Ireland, I am reminded of that episode. I wonder how long it will be before they stoop to such petty reasons as the size of their flag at the table to avoid talking. I suspect it won't be that long at all. Riddle me that...Here was the question: How do you put a giraffe into a fridge? Here is the answer: You open the door and put him in. Only 3 people bothered to answer. Jodi, who got it correct; although I'm not sure if she really answered, or just asked Monica, her smart kid. Rose, who's in South Africa for the 1st time, so can be excused for her silly answer. And Carey, who then posed this question: How do you put an elephant into a fridge? 10月16日 ChinglishI didn't take any notes nor many pictures of examples of Chinglish in Beijing (rather intending to just copy from Jodi when we got home), but I did laugh my leg off on numerous occasions. For a host of examples, go here: Further to that...Further to the posts about the Olympic Games and our travels in Beijing, here is an interesting article that has just been posted on the BBC News page:
In the long run, it probably won't make that much difference. |
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