Brendan 的个人资料Desperately Seeking...So...照片日志列表更多  |  工具 帮助 |
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1月29日 Hey SchwuliI met my friend Phil in a Leadership and Change Management class in UCD in my final year. Meeting Phil was the best thing about that class. He's got excellent English, is prone to reciting song lyrics and proverbs to fit his argument, and he likes beer and giving me pint glasses from his native Germany (you can understand why we get along). He's also the laziest German I've ever met. Seriously, we thought having him in our group would cut our workload by about half, instead I'm still proofreading stuff for him and updating his CV every so often.
I spoke to him on the phone the other night and was telling him all about my planned travels onboard the Hanjin Athens, sailing from South Korea to Southern California. The next day, I got this e-mail from Phil:
Hope you don’t end like this
 1月26日 Friday Feast 128Appetizer
If you could take lessons to learn any musical instrument, which would you want to learn? Piano. I'd like to be able to play the guitar, but I'd love to be able to play the piano. My father is a piano tuner by profession, (or piano "turner" if you read my birth certificate. I'd love to know what the registrar of births thought a piano turner did for a living.) and we had a piano in our house for a long time, but for some reason, none of us really learned how to play it. It now seems like an awful waste. Soup Have you ever mistaken a person for someone else? Yes, but not in any hugely embarassing way. I was once mistaken for someone else though...I went to dinner with my cousins to a certain Italian restaurant in Belfast, where the waitresses are known to wear figure-hugging black skirts and the kind of white shirts girls wouldn't be allowed to wear to school. Anyway, this one waitress was giving me the eye, or so I thought. After smiling at each other back and forth through the starters and most of the mains, she came over and asked a question that just about broke my heart: "Are you Sean Green?" She had mistaken me for my older brother. Marvellous. Salad On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how well do you keep secrets? I'm so good at keep secrets, I'm even keeping my secret-keeping abilities secret. Main Course What's the closest you've ever been to a dangerous animal? Do Black Widow spiders count? Because when I was framing houses with my uncle in SC they were all over the place. In fact, it got to the stage where they didn't really bother me. Well, not much. Dessert When was the last time you lost your patience? I teach kindergarden in Korea. When do you think? 1月25日 Finally, my Spanish degree pays off, or, how I stopped worrying and got my US VisaI don't mind admitting that my application for the US visa has been taking up all my time and energy over the past two weeks. Besides finding the application process itself rather complicated, I was worried about my interview. Today I got off work early and headed to the US Embassy. I arrived over an hour early, and already the line snaked around 2 1/2 sides of the huge complex. It was worse than trying to get into the Sistine Chapel on Sundays, when it's free. Walking the length of it, I realised I was the only Westerner in the line. I wasn't sure if I could take comfort from this, or if it should be a cause for concern. Either I'd get someone who was so happy to deal with a person whose first language was English, or I'd get someone who would pay particular attention to my application form, and find therein some mistake I'd made, or some flaw in my character, that would prohibit my entry to the Land of the Free, and thereby seriously mess-up my travel plans. In the end I got a little of both, but first things first.
Despite it saying in the online notices that cellphones are not permitted, I seemed to be the only one in the crowd without one. Furthermore, the kid in front of me was having his nails trimmed by his mother, using a rather large set of nail clippers, something else not allowed in the building. Without a phone to text, I had a feeling I was in for a long and boring wait. Fortunately, entertainment was provided by the Seoul Metropolitan Police, who always look more like boys with toys than a proper security force. In the West we make jokes about cops eating donuts, and there is something funny about seeing this particular cliche played out in real life, but to me there's also something funny about seeing cops sitting on stools, with their bow staffs across their knees, slurping noodles and munching kimchi from their lunchboxes. What made it even funnier was seeing one senior cop order his junior to fetch his toothbrush and toothpaste from one of the many riot vans parked the length of the street.
When I presented myself at the first security check, they didn't seem to know what to do with me. Koreans automatically assume all foreigners are American, so they clearly didn't understand why I'd be waiting in line at my own Embassy. Two of them perused my passport, while another two refused to believe I didn't have a cellphone, and scanned me about 4 times with the metal detector wand. At the first window, the guy behind the counter had trouble with the fact that my home address was in a place called "Northern Ireland", while my passport was from Ireland. To Koreans, "north and northern" have negative connotations, so I wasn't surprised by his reaction. The lady charged with scanning my fingerprints expressed doubt that I'd need a visa, because I was Irish. Even when I explained that I was travelling by ship, she didn't believe me.
Waiting in line for the interview, I had a chance to suss out the two people in charge. The guy on the left, whose entire appearance screamed Boston-Irish, seemed to be taking forever with each applicant. The girl on the right was handling two applications to his one, and seemed to be comfortable in both Korean and English; not only that, but she waved each person off with a "have a nice trip!" It was obvious who I wanted to get. Fortunately, I got her.
Looking at my application form, she asked why I'd gone to two universities. I explained that I'd spent a year studying in Spain. Clearly flirting, and pretending not to believe me, she then "tested" me in Spanish, by demanding I speak to her in the lingo! After waffling for a few moments she told me to stop, that she was out of practice and couldn't keep up. I didn't like to point out that I'd been living in Korea for a year, so was also definitely out of practice, or that I found it mildly amusing that we were conducting the interview in Spanish, rather than English, or even Korean!
When she scanned my passport, she turned to me and said "You have a record." Sensing that my heart had just stopped, she went on "In the system, you have a record of travel to the US, do you already have a visa, or, why do you want one now?" I told her that I'd be travelling as a passenger on a cargo ship, and so needed a visa. She replied "Oh, for a while there I thought I'd have to refund your $100 bucks!" She then stamped all my forms, smiled and said "Have fun on your ship!"
I bounced out of the Embassy, and, as promised to myself, danced a jig on the street, much to the amusement of the riot police standing around, who really should've spoken to me about such behaviour, but of course, didn't.
1月24日 My 24thMy birthday celebrations started off on a strange note. Our director buys us pizza at 6 o'clock on our birthdays, and all the teachers chow down between classes in the staff room. In typically SLP fashion however, there was no one around when Mr Croissant arrived with my b'day pizzas. I had to help him unload them from the heatbag, and for a few minutes I thought I was gonna have to pay for them myself (in this school, nothing would surprise me!) Luckily though, it had all already been taken care of.
After that I hit the road for Suji, and got there in time to watch some funny stuff online with Jodi (thanks to James, who recommended www.alluc.org) We went over to Britt and Stef's for wine and "Mexican pizza". (For those of you who don't know, Mexican pizza is a fancy Midwestern name for chips and dip. Clearly, there aren't many Mexicans in Wisconsin.) It was yummy though, and we had a good laugh. I helped Britt fill out her interview questions for her new teaching job back home, so it came as a bit of a surprise when we found out today that they'd actually offered her the post.
On Saturday, instead of heading to the RMT for brunch, as is tradition, we went back to Britt and Stef's for "Spanish omelette". (For those of you who don't know, Spanish omelette is a fancy New England name for scrambled eggs and dip. Clearly, there aren't many Spaniards in Maine.) It was delicious though, and we rounded it off with some Tim Horton's coffee (all the way from Canada!) and the biggest caramel square I'd ever seen (all the way from Sheffield!) The girls then gave me my birthday present, which included a bottle of Coopers Pale Ale (always welcome), a bottle cozy (same), a Superman pencil (because I'm super) and a beautiful card / book that sums up Team Six perfectly, and must have taken a while to put together. (Thanks girls!)
For dinner we headed to a place called Platinum - a microbrewery / restaurant that has an all-you-can-eat and all-you-can-drink buffet. It rocked! The beer was delicious (and free), and they have a number of different kinds to suit all tastes (and it's free), and the food wasn't bad either (it was also free!) Our James turned up and proceeded to amaze, revolt and impress the table with his oyster-eating abilities. (Or should I say "oyster-retaining abilities?!") It was quite a show.
Later we hit Tin Pan Alley for a few beers (Leffe, which is a bit like drinking smoked cheese) and then a place called Bar Under, which was one of the dirtiest bars I've ever been in. It wasn't all that bad though (even if the music was hip-hop, and not the kind of hip-hop that people who don't like hip-hop can listen to, the kind of hip-hop that people who like hip-hop like to listen to.)
I'll not say much more about the evening, except this: Jodi has the patience of a saint. There aren't enough weekends left for me in Korea to take her for all the duck dinners that I must owe her at this stage. (Soon, I promise!)
On Sunday I woke up with the beginnings of a baddd headache (for which I actually took an aspirin, something I never do) and another birthday present sitting next to me. This present is the sort of thing that only I would want, and the sort of thing that only Jodi would think to get me! She followed that up with a RMT-style (only better) breakfast, while I sat around like a birthday-bum watching Family Guy. (Thanks Jodi!)
That evening Jodi and I went for a walk all over Suji, waiting for the girls to get home. When we arrived at their place, they had a Baskin Robbins ice-cream cake for me, and ice-cream to go with it (did you ever hear such a thing in your life!) and we ate most of it watching Larry David get slapped around.
It was a great weekend; I couldn't have asked for a better birthday, or better people to spend it with. Angriest manFor homework my kids had to ask their parents what they wanted for their birthdays. One mother replied "I want a not angry boy", referring to her son's behavioural problems.
Who does that?! 1月23日 I want my, I want my, I want my T.V!Last week's Friday Feast asked, as the Appetizer, "Which television shows do you just refuse to miss?" My answer was that, living in Korea, there were no shows that I'd really want to watch! I did go on to mention a show from my childhood, Prisoner: Cell Block H, that I'd watch with my brother Sean. Besides leaving me a drawing on my Bebo Whiteboard, my cousin also managed to find the end credits from the show. If you watch them, you'll have a fair idea of what Australian TV must be like. You'll be none the wiser as to why Sean and I'd watch the show, however, and I don't think I could quite explain it.
On my way to Suji, I got to thinking about TV, and I realised that I'd completely forgotten about Have I Got News For You, a topical news quiz from the BBC. When I still lived at home, I'd refuse to miss it. In fact, it was one show I'd set the VCR timer to record if I knew I'd be working. I think it's the funniest, non-animated show still being made. (But I'm out of touch with current TV shows, so forgive me if you think there's much better stuff around!) Down in Suji, Jodi let me watch some HIGNFY on he laptop, which started my birthday weekend off nicely. Here are some clips:
4+20 Years Ago I Come Into This LifeI'll be posting about my wonderful birthday weekend as soon as I can (provided the shitty internet service at work doesn't die again!) In the meantime, here's some Milton:
How Soon Hath Time How soon hath time, that subtle thief of youth, Stol’n on his wing my three-and-twentieth year! My hasting days fly on with full career, But my late spring no bud or blossom shew’th. Perhaps my semblance might deceive the truth That I to manhood am arriv’d so near; And inward ripeness doth much less appear. That some more timely-happy spirits endu’th. Yet it be less or more, or soon or slow. It shall be still on strictest measure ev’n To that same lot, however mean of high, Toward which Time leads me, and the will of Heav’n: All is, if I have the grace to use it so As ever in my great Task-Master’s eye. 1月19日 Friday Feast 127Appetizer
Which television shows do you just refuse to miss? Korean television sucks, so right now there's nothing that I'd refuse to miss. There is, however, plenty that I'd refuse to watch. Earlier in the year they showed House, and I watched all of those. (House rules.) When I was younger I watched Prisoner:Cell Block H with my brother Sean, and Neighbours and Home & Away (which I saw for the first time in over a year in Vietnam. And no, I don't think there's anything wrong with watching Home & Away whilst on holiday in Vietnam, but there was certainly something surreal about the whole thing.)
Soup Who did you last speak to on the telephone? Paul, for about 5 seconds. He was in a review, so told me to call back in 5 minutes. When I did, I got his answer service. Call-screening sucks. Salad How many pillows do you keep on your bed? Two. How many do you need? Main Course Name one addition to your computer (software, hardware, etc.) that you'd love to have. A computer would a great addition to my (lack of) computer. Dessert What is your favorite foreign food? Right now, any foreign food is my favourite foreign food! King Konglish (sort of)This isn't really a King Konglish post, in the sense that it isn't about Konglish mistakes; rather, it's about stuff that has happened lately and I don't know how to define it (within the parameters of this blog!) otherwise.
Last week, when we were doing the date, my kids mentioned that my birthday was coming up.
Then they said "We're having a surprise party for you!"
Turning to them, I asked "What?"
"Katie-teacher said we'll have a surprise party for you, we turn the lights, we hiding, we yell 'surprise'!"
So I then asked: "Did Katie-teacher tell you what 'surprise' means?"
Kids: "Yes, she said it means we can't tell....aaahhhssshhh!"
Anyone teaching in Korea will know that last word, "aaahhhssshhh" as the sort of cover-all-events phrase used by Koreans, young and old, to express surprise, disappointment, disgust, whatever. It's almost "ah shit", but it doesn't quite get there.
Anyway, my "surprise" party was today. It included a necklace made up of cards, and a cake. The cards were wonderful and the cake, as far as Korean cakes go, was nice.
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Walking into class the other day, I was singing Mambo Number 5. (For reasons that I can't quite explain, I've always found that particular tune to my liking, perhaps because it fits in with the Sam Malone-lifestyle I had imagined for myself when I was younger.) Anyway, one of my kids starts singing along (which isn't that strange, they use all sorts of crazy music here to sell stuff eg. Jose Gonzalez's "Heartbeats" for a washing machine, or something equally ridiculous). But what happened next was strange; he started showing off his taekwondo moves. Apparently in their tkd school the teacher uses the song to teach them rhythm, and how to move and stuff. In case you're not familar with the lyrics, I think I'll post them here, to refresh your memory, and demonstrate how silly it is for 7 year-olds to be singing it while they kick the crap out of each other:
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Mambo Number 5
One, two, three, four, five Everybody in the car, so come on Let's ride to the liqueur-store around the corner The boys say they want some gin and juice But I really don't wanna Beerbust like I had last week I must stay deep Because talk is cheap I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita And as I continue you know They are getting sweeter So what can I do I really beg and you my Lord To me flirting it's just like sport, anything fly It's all good let me dump it Please set in the trumpet Chorus: A little bit of Monica in my life A little bit of Erica by my side A little bit of Rita is all I need A little bit of Tina is what I see A little bit of Sandra in the sun A little bit of Mary all night long A little bit of Jessica here I am A little bit of you makes me your man And jump and down go and move it all around Shake your head to the sound Put your hand on the ground Take one step left And one step right One to the front and one to the side Clap your hands once And clap your hands twice And if it looks like this Then you are doing it right Chorus: A little bit of Monica in my life A little bit of Erica by my side A little bit of Rita is all I need A little bit of Tina is what I see A little bit of Sandra in the sun A little bit of Mary all night long A little bit of Jessica here I am A little bit of you makes me your man I do all To fall in love with a girl like you You can't run and you can't hide You and me gonna touch and sky Chorus: A little bit of Monica in my life A little bit of Erica by my side A little bit of Rita is all I need A little bit of Tina is what I see A little bit of Sandra in the sun A little bit of Mary all night long A little bit of Jessica here I am A little bit of you makes me your man --------------------------------------------------------
The traffic lights at the crossroads near where I work aren't great; traffic lights rarely are. Every once in a while, the cops will show up to direct traffic, I guess in an effort to keep the cars moving. And every time, without fail, traffic backs up, in all directions, for the duration that they're there. It happened today, and it took me forever to get across the street. It's hardly surprising, most people don't understand how traffic works, so sending someone in to direct will rarely work. Add that to the fact that these are Korean men (who'll spend the afternoon mostly talking shite, slapping each on the back of the head, drinking instant coffee, and spitting, all while they're supposed to be moving things along) and the city will be gridlocked on a permanent basis.
US VisitThere are certain things Irish people take for granted. People saying "top o' the morning" to you, evening if it's 10.30pm on a cold winter's night in downtown Seoul; New York cops wanting to shake your hand; people telling you how hard it is for them to drink Guinness; visiting the US without hassle, and being treated like royalty while we're there. However, if like me you decide to go the US on a ship, you need a visa. So, for the first time in my life I've had to apply for one this week.
Now, I consider myself fairly well travelled (actually, that's part of the problem), and I have a university degree, and, well, I'm not an idiot. But even I have been struggling with the application process, and some of the stuff they ask you on the various forms you have to fill out. The process is further complicated by everything being in Korean and English, and some of the questions (like those regarding military service, and how many different ways you spell your name (although, in a way that does apply to me!)) are clearly for Koreans only. I can't imagine what you'd do if English wasn't your first language, or you didn't have access to a computer, or didn't realise you had to have the most up-to-date version of Adobe to fill out, submit, download, save and print the receipts, forms and maps necessary to visit the Embassy for the interview.
And speaking of the interview, God only knows what they're gonna ask at that. I can't wait.
If I had to go through this every time I visited the US, I probably wouldn't go as much as I do. 1月12日 Friday Feast 126Appetizer
What comes to mind when you see the color orange? Well, growing up in Ireland two things would've come to mind - the Irish flag, and the Orangemen. Both manage to be connected but very very different! Nowadays I'd think of my kindergarden class, because they're called "Orange Class"!
Soup Did you ever get in trouble while you were in school? If so, what was it for? Not usually. My mother was a teacher (had in fact gone to college with some of my teachers, and she taught some of their daughters); thanks to my father, whenever I saw a teacher getting a hard time from some asshole, I'd imagine my mother in the same situation, and I wouldn't want to take part. It was much more fun to subtly take the piss out of a dull or inept teacher (usually with Paul) using complex language (as in words of more than one syllable), and wit (read, sarcasm). For that very reason, our Second Year Religion / Technology (go figure that one out) teacher split us up and wouldn't let us sit together for the rest of the year.
Salad Which topping(s) make up your perfect pizza? At home it was a mixture of meat and veg - onions and peppers are a must. Over here, it's bulgoggi, which is basically meat and veg. The difference is in the sweet sauce, which is yum.
Main Course Do you believe in UFOs/aliens/etc.? Why or why not? Yes. While the universe probably isn't a big as we're lead to believe, there's gotta be something else out there. I think it's rather self-centred of us (Humans? Self-centred? Never!) to believe we're the only ones here.
Dessert What color is your bedspread/comforter/quilt? Blue. 1月11日 Half-man, Half-noodleOn Christmas night, we went to a bar called Half-man, Half-noodle. As if the name wasn't enticing enough, they were also offering the first drink for free, and they had Connect 4 and Jenga for customers to play while they downed their Bia Ha Noi. Sitting near us was a group of American stoners. Now, I've nothing against Americans, or stoners, in general. But these guys were objectionable. However, they redeemed themselves somewhat by coming off with some crackers over the course of the evening.
It all started when news reached the bar that James Brown had died. These guys expressed a deep and sincere love for James Brown, his voice, his face, his music. In spite of that though, not one of them reacted, or even seemed to realise, when the bartender started playing a James Brown CD. I got the feeling that none of them would've known a James Brown song had it come up, grabbed them by the ears, and rattled their heads around, which is pretty much how I feel when I'm forced to listen to his stuff.
The next conundrum presented itself when they tried to decide which way to pass their joint. They couldn't decide which direction was clockwise. Only 1 of them got it right; naturally, the others wouldn't listen to him.
Finally, an Irishman appeared at their table, hoping to play cards and share the joint, which was now making its way, counter-clockwise around the group. Upon hearing where the newcomer was from, one of the meatheads declared that he too was Irish, well, half-Irish, half-German anyway. The Irishman, clearly hoping for a free drink if he showed enough interest, asked him where abouts in Ireland his ancestors were from. The guy didn't know.
Half-Irish, Half-German stoner: "West coast man, west coast. I know where my German family are from though."
Now-disinterested Irishman: "Oh yeah, where?"
Stoner: "Austria man."
I almost wish I were making it up, but I'm not. Come fly with meI'm trying to book a flight that leaves Korea in March, and returns in May. Both the travel agents I've used have mistaken March for May, or May for March. I suppose, if English is your second language, it would be an easy enough mistake to make. Still, it doesn't fill me with a whole lot of confidence! 1月10日 Lord of the DanceThis is for Emma and Marge, both of whom having been trying to comment, but are unable to sign-in properly. All I can say is, if you use your MSN or Hotmail e-mail address and password, it should work. Stupid Microsoft, if I ever run into Bill Gates, I'll tell him to sort it out. In the meantime, arrêtez la voiture and hang your bras!
I danced in the morning when the world was begun Dance then, wherever you may be I danced for the scribe & the pharisee Dance then, wherever you may be I danced on the Sabbath & I cured the lame Dance then, wherever you may be I danced on a Friday when the sky turned black Dance then, wherever you may be They cut me down and I leapt up high Dance then, wherever you may be 1月9日 A year from now...A year ago today, I started teaching here in Korea.
Happy Anniversary Me!
I wonder where I'll be a year from now...
1月8日 New Year's ResolutionWe're supposed to teach our kids about New Year's Resolutions. As you might expect from a country that keeps kids in school from 8am - 11pm, and every other Saturday, most of them are about working hard, and bowing a lot to people who are, even marginally, older than yourself. There was one that caught my attention though, because it's bizarre, potentially benefical for me, and entirely Korean.
"I want to be nice. I will massage my teacher 10 times."
Clearly, Korea hasn't got to the stage we're at in the rest of the world when it comes to relationships between teachers and students. 12th Day of ChristmasEvery year, it's getting harder and harder to hold onto Christmas. In our house, it doesn't end until January 6th, the Feast of the Epiphany, and also my mother's birthday, but for some people, Christmas is over on St. Stephen's Day. I don't support that. This year however, I had to take my classroom decorations down before we'd even broke for the holiday, and there was something very un-Christmassy about Hanoi! However, the stuff I received in the mail helped the season to last as long as it should. (In fact, the latest card arrived today - thanks Kate!)
I got in touch with everyone whose card I received this year, and I've heard from most of the people who received a card from me. If you didn't hear from me, I'm afraid your card got lost on the way. And if you didn't get a card from me, and you usually would have, then you'll have to take me on my word that I probably sent one, but it got lost somewhere between here and there.
A few people tried to call me at some stage over the holidays, which was nice, even if I was in Vietnam.
And speaking of Vietnam, trying to catch a 1am flight back, waking up surrounded by a plane-load of Koreans that were all clearing their throats in such a way as to make me think I'd slept in a pig trough, and arriving at my apartment with barely enough time for a cup of coffee before heading over to work, all served to make me rather grumpy on the first day back. The only thing that saved my kids from a mountain of homework was the stuff in my mailbox that morning. I got cards from Amelie and Sinead, and a box of goodies from Paul, containing books, chocolate, nuts and stollen. It was marvellous, and I'll be working my way slowly through it over the next few weeks, as I start to pack stuff up to send home. Snow and socksWhen it's snowing outside, and you have to leave the house, it's a good idea to bring some extra socks along with you, because, even though your Timberland boots (that you bought for a song in Beijing) will keep your feet toasty and dry, someone else might be out in shoes that, given the weather, can only be described as "ridiculous", and they'll appreciate your offer of some dry items for their toes. |
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